Friday, November 22, 2013

Looking ahead...

“The only constant in life is change…”
I don’t know who said this but he’s a genius. Life is not static it is dynamic even if you don’t lead a dynamic life. For me and my mediocre life, change has come once again. My second marriage has failed or rather I failed at my second marriage and now I am looking at a life alone.

Personally I have wasted years looking behind me and focusing on my regrets, now I am forced to look ahead and stop running on ‘auto-pilot’, only because I am not ready to lie down and surrender just yet.

What’s next for me? As Ned Stark reminds us, “Winter is coming!” My plan is to snuggle in for the winter, work my 2 jobs, hang out with my dogs (and cats) while I do some soul searching.

What does the next chapter of my life look like?
Do I sell my home?
Do I quit the jobs I hate and walk the Appalachian Trail like Yo-yo Wilson?
Do I hike around the world? Visit friends in Costa Rica?
Maybe move to Alaska and lose myself in a vast wilderness (while one still exists)?
Perhaps I will enact my plans for world domination or locate the secret island of red haired bombshells who long for older, portly, bald men.

I guess my life is still full of possibilities. The question then becomes will I continue to fail to take advantage of them? Will I live or merely exist?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

A dream remembered….

Recently I was sitting at TRF with an ailing friend, watching a show and enjoying the performers when I was struck with the return of a high school day dream (no Heather not that one it was answered later in life) of how I wanted my life to go. Watching these bawdy performers I remembered wanting that life, a life of fun, a life free of drudgery and mind numbing minutia.

Some would caution that the bohemian lifestyle isn't likely to be lucrative. To them I counter neither is my current, mediocre lifestyle. Can you imagine a work comprised of jokes (mostly bawdy), songs, and laughter?
I used to imagine it often as it was one of my favorite daydreams (right next to that other one, Khristie). When did I stop picturing that life for me? I have released many dreams that were not responsible, reasonable, or realistic. I consciously let go of those dreams. The imagined joy of a life savored by TRF entertainers was one that simply faded without complaint or notice.

So as I smile and laugh while enjoying Sound and Fury’s performance of “Testiceles and the Sac of Rome” in the Shakespearean style, I may not just be smiling at their antics, but also at a dream remembered.