It has been a month since I have allowed myself time to sit and write. As is true for every one life has not stood still in that amount of time. So allow me to catch you up to where I am at this point of Muddling through Life.
On December, 10th our beautiful Great Dane, Jetta, was laid to rest. On December, 23rd my sore knee was re-diagnosed from a possible ligament or tendon tear to a broken femur and I was ordered into a brace and to non- weight bearing for 4 weeks. This situation has given me the much needed chance to take a break from working 72 hours a week between the 2 jobs. On December, 29th I began counseling therapy and medication for depression or dysthymia. And amid all this chaos I am continuing my endeavors to reconnect to those people from throughout the years that have been a positive influence on me.
While floundering through existence I find myself still looking for a purpose or meaning to life. I know I have written about the possibility that there is not a purpose to it all and some of us merely exist to support others. And yet I find myself still searching.
Is it possible that life has meaning simply because it exists…I am therefore I matter?
How can we take an ordinary life and make it useful if not for us then for others…a life of service. I recently heard the statement, “A life of service, there is no higher calling.” Do I believe this? I don’t know, but my believing does not make it true or false. I’m beginning to flounder again.
What has meaning in your life? Is it career or family? Could it be our interpersonal interactions? The smile you show to a stranger you pass in the hall? If I have a meaning or purpose in life it would have to be in those interactions with others, my family, my co-workers, and those I call friends.
It is where I feel the happiest and where I feel I matter.
Now how do I take that and make a life of it?
Life can be one hodgepodge of meanings. Some find meaning in their faith and know that God has a Plan...others find meaning in their nirvana and the service of others to get to that place..meaning they are merely here to make sure that when their real life starts in nirvana that it is a good one. There are so many possibilities that who is right?? Everyone. Because it is what gives their life meaning.
ReplyDeleteAs far as what keeps me going? Well I make no secret that I suffer from both depression and anxiety and it is a daily battle. My family make me smile. Knowing that I have the power to take Ken's bad day and maybe make it a little better, take the burden of rampant hormones that plague my daughter and help her cope, help my youngest daughter "fit in" when she feels like she is the odd man out and when I help my son realize that his life is not over and that his family has just changed it is not gone with the events of the last 5 yrs. These things, the helping others cope is what helps me cope. I have been told that that is "transferring" and not really fixing my self but who says I am fixable?? It makes my quality of life better, it makes me smile and there for through others I relieve some of my own burden. Makes sense to me but not to many others. I have very few close friends because I have been hurt by a few so deeply that it hurts too much to try. That is why I miss TX at times...it was a time that I felt that my friends truly cared about me and now you all still continue to show me that from miles away. The friends I do have I would give my life for. I would do anything to help them and that being needed also helps me to know that my life has meaning.
Ok so now that I have rambled I am going to shut up...LOL. You are very much a thinker like me Hobby..i think that makes things for us all the more prevalent and harder to process. You are in my thoughts and know that if you ever need to talk I am here. Through Facebook or email or you can always call me as well. My email is loggiesmom@yahoo.com and I can message you my phone number through private message at Facebook if you would like it.
Hang in there. ((((Hugs)))